All relationships are special and unique in their own ways. But there is something about mixed culture relationships that makes them stand out in a way and make people who meet the couple curious. Everyone is interesting in the story of how those two met? And what about all the cultural differences, how do you handle them? Are you guys happy? And most of all, though rarely asked in a direct way, how do you make it work?
Being one half of a
culturally mixed couple, I have heard these questions many times. And I get it.
Not only do couples in mixed relationships go through the same hiccups and
struggles like any other couple does, they are also facing a lot of challenges
that come with combining two cultures in their relationship. Challenges like
speaking different languages and the struggle to find a way to express yourself
in a language other than your own. Or having grown up in a different culture
and with a different mentality than your partner, which can lead to small and
big misunderstandings. Or liking different foods. And believing in different
rituals, possibly even having another religion. And other ways and habits of
doing things. And on top of all that, in some cases, there is also the ultimate
test of long distance. Boy, this can be a tough one to master. The missing, the
uncertainty, the phone calls and the ‘why the heck is he not answering?’. It’s all part of it. The ‘when can I come
visit’ and the ‘please come visit as soon as you can’. Those who’ve been there
know exactly what I’m talking about. And I know that there is quite a few of
you among my readers because this is, after all, the story of Alanya. That
little place in southern Turkey by the Mediterranean Sea, where East End boy
meets West End girl.
All this can add up to the
feeling of having to ‘work harder’ than others to make such a relationship
work. Especially on the outside it may look like that. But let me tell you from
firsthand experience that there is a little twist to that. These challenges and
struggles happen to be more than just that. At the same time they are also the
best thing about it. They are the thrill and the excitement for all the same
reasons and exactly why it works. Learning a language surely isn’t a piece of
cake. It’s difficult and it can be immensely frustrating. But when you do it
out of love it becomes so much more fun and easier. Suddenly you really want to speak that language and
understand everything. The language gives you more insight into your partner’s
background, family and culture and what he’s talking about on the phone too.
Plus it’s fun to share the learning process. Helping each other to become
better strengthens the bond.
And all those cultural and
mentality differences? There comes a point when you start to realize that they
are actually eye and mind opening experiences to you. Not only do they add more
color and more layers to your perception of life, but they also show you that
there is different ways of doing things and your personal understanding and opinions
might change profoundly. You are more willing of simply accepting what is,
instead of expecting things to be as they should. You quit comparing everything
in judgmental terms of better and worse.
Yes, the learning curve is
steep and sometimes overwhelming but it’s exciting at the same time. Tasting
new food and discovering a new country. Meeting new people and its cities. And
being introduced to other ways of believing and praying. As Rumi says so beautifully: there are a thousand
ways to kneel and kiss the ground. It makes you realize two very important
things in life: how unique we all are and how much alike we are at the same
time.
And because the one and
only reason for being on this amazing adventure is the love of your life, you
are willing to plunge right into it. It opens you up and teaches you to be more
flexible, to be comfortable outside of your own comfort zone and to become
better at compromising. As long as there is plenty of love and blessing and
gratitude, all of these challenges don’t feel so much like hard work but more
like an invitation to new adventures. And that my dear ones is the beauty of
mixed relationships.
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