A little word on Babahood (published in HELLO Alanya, 2014)

Ever since I became a mommy last year, I slowly but surely feel the urge rising to write a few words on fatherhood, for all the fathers who I see around me. Especially for all the Turkish babas and most and for all my son’s baba. 

There is a whole world built up around mothers. In commercials for pampers and formula milk, in baby stores and on the net. Everywhere and anywhere baby related that I turn, it is me, the mother, that is being addressed and displayed. And rightly so of course, nothing is wrong with that. Mothers are after all the number one most important person in a newborn’s life. She’s the center of every baby’s universe. She is the one that makes the sun rise in the morning and set in the evening and who can make pain disappear with a hug and a kiss. But surely the only thing more sacred than mother and child is the beautiful trinity of mother, father and child. But where are those babas? Not in the media, not in the magazines and not in the hospital’s flyers on safety and care. No not there,  but that doesn’t mean they aren’t there at all. They are exactly where they need to be. Right by their wife’s and children’s side. And I know it because I see you everywhere around me dear babas. I see you playing with your kids on the playgrounds, pushing their swing and teaching them table tennis or how to kick a ball. I see you walking on the streets behind a stroller or holding your little one’s hand to prevent them from running into traffic. I see you on the beach putting lotion on your kids to protect them against the sun and teaching them how to swim and not to be afraid in the water. I see you in the waiting room at the hospital, distracting your young one with toys while you wait for your appointment. And drying their tears and offering comfort after the doctor gave them an injection. I see you in supermarkets, in restaurants and cafés, in the park, on the streets and even in your homes. And I wish everyone else could see you too.
There are still so many people who assume that Turkish fathers are not really involved in raising their children. How wrong they are. Of course, in some places and homes sadly this is the case. I know that there are fathers out there who only know how to make a baby but not how to raise them. Who always call their kids only kızım and oğlum and it makes you wonder whether they even know their real names at all. But thankfully this is a small part compared to the rest. And many of the rest are doing a wonderful job. When I told my friends that Bülent is such a great hands on daddy some asked me: ‘That’s so great. Did you have a talk about this before Ilyas was born?’. ‘No, not really’ I answered in all honesty. Actually, not at all. Didn’t have to and didn’t want to. I wanted to let him be the baba he was going be, on his own. It just came out naturally. All the love. All the care. All the play. It was all there. Sincerely. Completely. And I’m just glad that I will never have to wonder whether he’s just doing certain things because we had a talk about it before and agreed on it. He’s a natural. Like all the other super babas out there who perform little miracles every day. You may not be visible in the media as much as the mommies are and you might not get a chance to prove your skills to foreign eyes, but who cares about these things when in the eyes of your family you totally rock.