Dear Baby Boy, Happy 1st Birthday!

Today we celebrate your first birthday. We celebrate you. On this day one year ago your mama and baba rushed to the hospital on a warm October afternoon as you announced your arrival into this world. I will always remember that day for as long as I live. And even though that night everything seemed to pass by in a blur, every single moment, every emotion, every word, the room, the nurses.. everything is carved in all the details into my memory forever. And yes, also the pain. Pain with such purpose. Pain transforming into pure life force. It felt as if even time was holding its breath that night as we experienced together how your journey, that started nine months earlier, brought you from your inner most safe and secret world out into the light and into our arms.

We already loved you long before you were born, ever since we saw those two little lines on the pregnancy test and heard your heartbeat for the first time on the ultrasound. But nothing could prepare me for the love I would feel when I first held you in my arms and you glanced into my eyes. You, most perfect and tiniest you. Without you the universe and all that there is would be a little less.

As I was taking my first steps into motherhood days turned into weeks turned into months turned into seasons and into your first year. We have been inseparable for what has been one year of my life but all of yours. And I don’t even remember very well anymore how you could not have been in mine before. That’s what motherhood does to you, it changes your life so profoundly and so completely.  Before you I thought I knew the meaning of patience, doubt and hope. And that I understood the notion of feeling grateful, connected and blessed. But you, as small as you still are, already taught me a that there is a whole other level to these things.

New born, baby, toddler. Every day you grow. Reaching new milestones and learning new skills on your way to independency. We celebrate them and encourage you in all your new adventures. But every new stage is also a bittersweet goodbye from the previous one and from the little baby that you have been only a short while ago. I try to capture the wonderful moments with you in writing and in photographs. Eager to document them and safe them for a lifetime to remember.  Already I can feel the different pace of time that parenthood is bound to. The days can be long, especially when they start as early as the first call to morning prayer, yet the years will flow by so very quickly. We’ll be holding your hand when you take your  first steps soon. We’ll be blowing out candles on cakes and buy school books and meet girlfriends and help you learn how to drive a car and celebrate graduation and maybe dance with you on your wedding day one day. And we will watch you grow up as we will grow with you and yes, also grow old, and it will all go so fast that I can’t breathe when I think of it. But today, in the here and now, I am your mommy and you are my baby and it will be like that for all the here and nows of all the tomorrows too. Today you are my happiest little boy, sitting on the floor, screaming in delight at the colorful balloons flying around in the room. You laugh at the silly faces that we make and clap your tiny hands to the birthday songs I sing for you in different languages and you point your little finger at everything that catches your attention. When we ask for a kiss you push your whole cute little face into our cheek which is the best of the best of anything. I love you so very much my little one, more than you will ever know. 

Happy first birthday my sunshine, thank you for being mine. 

Mama

Dear beautiful baby boy

Look at you, my little sunshine. 

Just look at you. 

How much you have grown and how much you have learned since I wrote you a letter for your first birthday last year. You have left behind the little baby you were not too long ago. And with tiny but eager little steps you have entered childhood. And though I was with you every moment and every heartbeat of the past year, it feels like all the transformations and all the changes that occurred must have happened while I was sleeping. Surely they happened when I blinked or when I was too busy doing something. In those moments when mommy isn’t watching and you can do something impossible. You must have secretly used those moments for growing and learning and for performing magic. 

And while I observe you grow and prosper with the greatest amazement and pride, to you this is nothing but natural. There is so much to say about the way you anchor your little feet in this world and in this life. The way you take notice of new things and situations around you, that you have never seen or done before. You meet the new and the unknown with an insatiable curiosity and with effortless confidence. You trust your own timing. And there is an unshakable sureness of self that you wear in your eyes that leads me to pray that it will never ever fade.

For some reason you call Mickey Mouse ‘Nana’, and you are absolutely crazy about him. Your room is full of balls in all colors, shapes and sizes, and yet it’s the only thing you see when we enter a toy store. There’s nothing that makes you happier than to play football or basketball like the ‘big abi’s’ do, close to your favorite play area, or to run around on the beach throwing the ball as high up into the air as you possibly can and then let yourself fall into the sand. You still don’t like mashed potatoes, or anything else mashed or pureed for that matter. But you love turșu and bread, which confirms your Turkish blood more than a passport ever will. You always look for the moon in sky, even during the day, and when you find it you point your little finger at it and shout ‘ay dede’, meaning ‘grandpa moon’. You do that too when you see a Turkish flag. Spotting all the ‘ay dede’ flags in town has become a popular game when driving around in the car.

After a long and exhausting day of playing, discovering, cuddling and carefully maneuvering around and out of the inevitable tantrums that are notorious for your age, I dim the lights in your room and hold you in my arms for little while as I walk up and down the room. You are getting bigger and heavier to carry but your head still fits perfectly into the side of my neck. Close enough to kiss. Close enough to smell your hair. That other-worldly baby smell has been replaced by smells of play doh, strawberries, beach sand and shampoo. But through all this you have some kind of heavenly smell around you still that I softly breathe into every cell of my being, all the way through to my soul, before I kiss you good night.

I look at you and I see you, my precious little boy. 

I see how you learn what I teach you, and then right the next moment I realize that it is you teaching me something in return. And so we learn and we grow and we change together as one each new day. Rising above the selves that we were only yesterday.

Tomorrow we will celebrate your second birthday. We ordered a big cake, with a Mickey Mouse on top course, and you will blow out two candles already. Two candles. The day you were born comes back into my memory again. All the events of that day are so lively and so real, that it seems like it was only yesterday when I saw you for the first time, causing my heart to grow by a tenfold in one instant. Happy Birthday my little munchkin. I am looking so much forward to see what you have in store for us this year and I can’t wait to discover many more things together. We love you so much more than anything. You are the best thing that ever happened to us. Thank you for being mine.

Mama

Baby Love ♥

             TELLING THE WORLD!

I have some very sweet and exciting news to share with you all: I’m pregnant!!!

I am in my 5^th month now so B and I have been preggers for a quite a while already. This important new page in my life deserves a special page on CB. Blog.com won't let me create posts on a new page, so I have to figure out how to seperate the baby posts from the regular ones. For now I will save them under the category 'Baby Love' in the menu on the right. It will be a fun way for our friends and family, and for you dear readers, to keep up with us and the pregnancy from a distance.

I have so much to tell you and to share with you, I don’t even know where to start.

How/when did this happen? you may ask. Well, we have always wanted kids and planned having a family at some point in the future. We just never really felt the pressure yet. My biological clock was more of a consistent but quiet Swiss watch rather than a big clock on the wall with a cuckoo popping out every hour screaming the living life out of his lounges to remind me that it’s time. But last winter we talked about it a few times and we thought that 2013 might just be the year. Also my friend’s visit last November with her little son sparked my baby fever. And then January 2013 came along…. and I guess the baby couldn’t wait:)

Looks like the little one will be coming mid October. I don’t have a date yet, must ask the Doctor on the next visit. That means that I will be carrying a huge bump in the middle of high season, the hottest months of the year. It’s not easy to make it through the summer heat for any person, never mind a pregnant one. But I know it has been done before and I can do it too.

I will write a little recap of the last couple of months to document my pregnancy and give you an idea of what it’s like for us.

I am so happy and excited about having this baby and becoming a mom, and yes.. a little nervous too but in a good way. And I’m already so in love with my little baby ever since I saw these two pink lines on the pregnancy test. The C above the second line stands for Certain and it became visible right away:) Feeling truly blessed ♥

Week 25 - Half baked!

Wow, half a year already.. this pregnancy is going so fast.

Seize of the baby: around 33 cm.

Cravings: Cherries!!! They're in the season right now and they taste sooo good. I eat a big bowl of them every day, I can't stop myself. And milk. I drink one glass of milk almost every day.. never done that before.

Aversions: Anything fried, including french fries. I think I had a bit too much of those in my early months of the pregnancy.

Symptoms: Nothing special. Though I did need a few nappa's this week again. Guess that means that the baby is growing and that there's a lot going on inside that round belly of mine that uses up my energy.

What I'm looking forward to: My sister and the boxes to arrive. She's going to stay almost 2 weeks:))) I hope the boxes will arrive when she's here so we can unpack them together. Not sure what B is going to say when he sees how many things I bought in Amsterdam.. he still thinks a newborn doesn't need that much. But I'm pretty sure they do.

More products for mom and baby. A gift from Cindy (owner of the Hello Alanya Magazine). Smells heavenly and I love the package. B asked where the 'dad' one is.. I said that his gift is a soft and delicious smelling baby and wife..pretty amazing thing to have, wouldn't you say so?

I still can't eat fish every week, never mind twice a week as recommended by my doctor. My friend Amber recommended to take fish oil regularly as she did during her pregnancies and it's really important for the baby's brain development. So I bought this non-synthetic all natural fish oil while I was in Amsterdam. 

Much better!

Week 24 - some pregnancy products

Seize of le bebe: around 31 cm. About the size of a large mango. Amazing. Just think how small his little hands and feet are now, so cute.

Cravings & Aversions: nothing special.

Symptoms: My dizzyness is much better. It's warming up here rapidly so I try to go for a swim regularly to prevent swollen feet and ankles.

Best moment this week: Seeing my friend Mona again after 8(!) long years. We met in Alanya when she worked in our restaurant for one season. Now she came back with her beautiful family, her husband and two adorable little sons. I loved catching up with her on life, pregnancy, family life and baby boys.

What I'm looking forward to: I can't wait for the boxes from Amsterdam to arrive. All the baby stuff I bought is somewhere on a truck somewhere in Europe now. Fingers crossed that everything will arrive soon and in one peice.

Me and beautiful Mona

I got this cocoa butter from Palmers from Mona. She swears by it, coz she used it with both pregnancies and there is not one single stripe on her belly. Hopefully I will be that lucky once I get really big. I am going to use this cream for sure.

Another product I'm using now is this magic little Gray Hair touch-up stick. Perfect to cover up those few (ahum!) gray hairs if you don't want to color your hair during pregnancy like me.

My sister and mother have been shopping for the little one. My sister is going to visit us soon, I can't wait. And she'll be bringing all these beautiful things with her. Bedding, clothes, stuffed animals, a sleeping bag and a playmat. She sent me these pictures to show me what they bought.

Sweetest surprise this week: a bouquet of red roses. From daddy-to-be to mommy-to-be ♥♥♥

Week 23 - back from Amsterdam

I'm back from Amsterdam. I loved sitting on the plane and feeling his little kicks. It made me realize that from now on I won't be travelling alone anymore for probably a very long time. I had such a good time there. The weather was pretty good (surprise surprise) and it was so nice catching up with my friends again. Some didn't know yet that I was pregnant so I surprised them with my baby bump:) I bought A LOT of baby stuff, I went completely bananas when I saw all the cute clothes, blankets, shoes etc. I still had some moving boxes at a friends place that I needed to send to Alanya. So I just added a few more with the things I bought that week and luckily that solved my usual baggage allowance problem. Perfect.

Best ice coffee in town (at Kaldi, 9 Straatjes) with Tamila

Two preggers. Early in the morning at the train station with Pavla, who was 8 months pregnant at that time.

Present from Tamila, another charm for my bracelet ♥

I decided that he will need at least one really cool pair of baby shoes so I bought these from Ralph Lauren. Aren't they insanely cute? I'm in love. I think I will keep them forever so he will have them one day when he's all big and grown up.

Finally. Blueberries!!! My daily portion of vitamins, I ate as much as I could those days.

Biking through town with my little one.

Departure at Schiphol Airport.

Week 21 - dreaming about blueberries

Seize of the baby: Around 27 cm.

Cravings: Blueberries!!! But I can't find them here so I always kind of crave them. But this time extra much.

Aversions: nothing special. My coffee aversion has disappeared, I like it again. Just in time before going to Amsterdam, where I can drink some of the best coffee I've ever had.. but I will still be holding back a little bit. Don't want to overdue it with the caffeine.

Symptoms: Dizzyness. I got some extra iron tablets for that from my doctor.

What I'm looking forward to: Seeing my friends next week in Amsterdam, eating blueberries aaaand.. shopping at Zara Kids, H&M, Hema and Petit Bateau and checking out other cute baby boutiques. Yeaayy.

Hello dear coffee, welcome back in my life:)

Week 20 - it's a ......

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We're having a son!!!! I'm sooo excited!
I'm going to be mommy to a little boy.. there will be cars and fire trucks and dinosaurs and a million adventures coming my way. And I can't wait:)))

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I was going to bake a gender cake for the occasion and bring it over to the family to tell them the wonderful news this way. A white cake that when you cut it reveils the color of the gender, it's either pink or blue inside. But as soon as we walked down the stairs in the hospital and towards exit, B's dad saw us who was there for a check up himself. Of course he asked and of course B told him.. Dad called Anne (mom) immediately who told B's brother and sister who called us to congratulate us... so much for the surprise. Things like these don't really work here I guess. Oh well, as long as everybody is as happy as they are.. and I can always safe the idea for round two;) Both our families have one granddaughter so he is going to be the first grandson. And oh my is he going to get spoiled..

I found this really sweet poem about boys on Pinterest:

Week 19 - covering my baby in a bed of roses

Elif and I went to Isparta this week to visit one of world's largest rose oil producing factories. I will soon write a full post on this very interesting place, it's products and the people. But for now I just want to share with you all the joy of picking and smelling the roses and playing in a bed of millions of pink perfumed petals, feeling like a kid again myself. I'm sure le bebe was having a good time him/her self, hearing mommy laughing so much and playing around like that.

Seize of the baby: 22 cm. About the seize of a heirloom tomatoe, or like a handful of rose buds:)

Symptoms: happy. happy. happy.

I did feel very dizzy in the morning on the rose field. We got up at 5:45. I guess the short night sleep in combination with the strong perfume of the roses and the sunshine warming up rapidly on the field was a bit too much. But soon it passed and we had an amazing afternoon, touring the factory and playing in a kingsize bed of a million rose petals especially prepared just for us. It's been so much fun and a great experience, we learned so much about this pricy rose oil production.

Thoughts: We are surrounded by love and perfection. Just take a look at a single rose.. the color, the shape, the smell, the texture.. it's so totally and utterly perfect. Flower of the lovers. Symbol of eternal beauty and purity.

Another happy moment this week: getting a layered cake of diapers, with sweet little presents hidden inside, from our loyal guests at the restaurant. Bets, Herman and Adri visit us every year for three weeks and now go by the name mom and dad, as the guys like to call them. They are a part of our restaurant family.