Spinning..

Today is the 1st of October and it happens to be on a Monday. I like it when that happens.. all months should start on the first day of the week I think. It just makes more sense, it feels more organized in a way.. It’s funny and I realize that this must be the German side of me talking.

But little did I know that this day was holding some surprises in store.

I left the house this morning to meet my friend Josefin and her cute little baby boy for breakfast at Simit Sarayı. It was another warm and sunny day. We had a really good talk, discussing her ideas to set up a new business for herself. No need to say that I am always a huge supporter in decisions like these.

Then suddenly and out of the blue a storm came up. Palm trees were bending to the sides and our paper coffee cups almost flew off the table. Dark clouds and lightning’s in the sky, some heavy raindrops here and there and people holding on to their
hats and skirts.

The first storm of the new season.

It was over as quickly as it had started. But it surely let us know that those seemingly endless days of sun and blue skies were numbered. Then, this afternoon, as I was getting ready to go to the gym, a close friend of mine called to ask if he could have a coffee with me to discuss work and something private.

First the private part: him and his girlfriend are expecting. He’s going to be a daddy next year in spring. I was surprised, but then again I saw it coming. And I was happy to see him so happy about it.

Then the work part: he suggested teamwork. An-offer-you-can’t-turn-down-but-I-still-have-to-think-about-it kind of thing. Because of Yellow Rock, which is my priority at the moment. And because we're friends. Will come back to this in another post soon. Need to discuss with Elif and B first.  This too took me by surprise.

Back to the first part. The baby part. He started asking the ‘what about you and B’ questions. He ‘was pushing me, trying hard to take away every ‘but’ I could come up with. He said that there is absolutely no reason to wait anymore, given the long and happy relationship I’m in, our situation as it is now and also my age. Not that I'm getting too old for a baby but I'm old enough to have one.

He is just one of the many ones who’s asking us about it. I probably don’t need to tell you how everyone in Turkey gets married and has babies right away without never ever even thinking about wanting to wait. Or having the option of not wanting children at all.. omg, Allah korusun no!  And when you get passed 30 it’s not just the people you know in Turkey anymore but also the ones in Holland and everywhere else in the world. And it only got more since I moved here and we are living together. And I do want a baby. I really, really do. We both do. But I don’t know if I’m ready. I don’t know how you know when you are ready. I’m not obsessed with baby clothes and baby rooms yet.. so I don’t mind to take my time. I like to flirt with the thought of having a baby but it's not on my mind constantly. But what if I won’t get to that obsession at all.. and just keep being busy with other great things and then miss the baby boat or something.

'Why are you waiting so long' he asked. I'm not waiting. Or am I? If so then why doesn't it feel like waiting? Since when did all of this start to be so confusing?

So you see how this day got my head spinning.

Spinning with excitement. I’m excited about the opportunities coming up. About new projects. About working together with people who inspire me, who believe in me and who bring out the bold and ambitious side of me.

Spinning with fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of not making it happen. Fear of not knowing what’s the right thing to do. Fear of taking a wrong decision. Fear of working with friends and putting the friendship to a test.

Spinning with how’s. How do you know when you are ready for a baby. How will our life change. How will we do as parents. How will I combine having a baby with starting up a business. How will it be to raise a child in Turkey.

Spinning with Love.  The love I feel for B. Love for my friends and family. Love for life for taking me on this amazing journey and bringing me here. My love for babies..

There have been some surprises today. Surprises that came and shook me a bit like the storm did to those palm trees. It’s time to wake up. Apparently those long, lazy summer days are over. It’s time to take action. Time to take decisions..
But also, time to think.. and to give time some time to show what’s right.

Today I will ask you to rather leave me some advise instead of ‘comments’.. I’d love to hear your thoughts about this. Especially about the baby part.. and from those who’ve been there and just knew.

A dark sky this morning, just moments before the storm..